July 28, 2017 by dee
we started as friends, then became more.
bonding over STNG, DARPA projects, and other nerd-shit, me and TD had a good thing. in fact, it might have lasted–and probably should have lasted longer than it did.
he wasn’t happy with his life circumstances, and after we broke up he made changes; as far as i know, he’s currently quite happy and fulfilled. if only that had been the case when we were together.
our connection was palpable, the sexual chemistry was intense. we partied, but we also knew how to spend a day in bed, cook at home, or do nothing at all. it felt like we were moving fast, even though we technically weren’t–in the three-ish months we spent together, we didn’t have the talk. but he started to balk, pull back, and drink too much.
after my first marriage, i knew that i needed to be with someone who was sure about me. i might have stuck it out, since he was, on paper at least, a really good match.
but here’s the thing. what’s the difference between a good match and the right one? TD and i might have made it work, might have even been a kind of happy together, but there were things missing in the relationship.
while i’m intelligent enough to know that one person can’t possibly meet all of my needs (friends, mentors, and others offer necessary stimulation too), he came pretty close. aside from the drinking, the depression, the anger, the thing that made me realize that it probably wasn’t going to go the distance… he never offered to go down on me.
getting my sexual needs met by the person i’m dating is a pretty big deal. my girlfriends can help with my emotional and social needs, but my guy has a job. while there was tons of (satisfying) sex, it was incomplete. and it wasn’t just that he didn’t want to do it, he wouldn’t let me do it for him either (shock and awe!), a testament to the fucked up relationship he’d been in for 10 years before getting together with me.
people have all kinds of hang-ups and baggage. gotta find a set that compliments your own.